Birthday Babe...

Well, this is interesting. I started this blog months ago (4 actually). For some reason I never finished it. You can see below that I was obviously struggling (in orange) and finding a new way. We, my Mr. Right and I, were going through a rough time back then. We've come a long way in these last few months. I think - NO, I KNOW I can finish this blog now. Although, I don't think I will ever be able to finish it completely. You'll see the list below. Hopefully, I won't ever finish it I will just keep adding to it.

I just finished reading "The Five Love Languages". Everyone around me kept commenting about this book. We even heard more about it in a recent Marriage Retreat. I've had it on my bookshelf, on loan from my mom, for months - maybe even years. Ok, apparently I need to read it. I didn't know what my love language was/is. Those "everyone's" well, they knew their love language and were able to express to their spouse which one it was and get some good return. I want that return. I want a loving marriage. Fill my love tank please, oh please.

It's been a rough 2 - 2 1/2 weeks again in my marriage because of this "great" book. I was actually not loving it as I started it. It was so frustrating to read through. Yikes! At first I was mad at what I think my husbands love language is. Why? Because, it's the hardest one for me to express my love through. But, as I was reading about his love language (I'm not saying what it is because he's reading the book now and I want to see if we choose the same ones for each other) I was noticing how much he was asking me to express love to him in his love language. Amazing to know and see. Wow, that Gary Chapman (author) really is on to something. Then, I got frustrated because I wasn't quite able to figure out MY Love Language. I went into the reading thinking it was Receiving Gifts! Yeah, I like gifts!! Especially shiny ones :). Nope, that's not my first one. I learned about me that I am a Quality Time Love Languager. More specifically, I love/crave Quality Activities. I don't care if we are washing the car or picking weeds in the garden - I just want to be with him. I want to play games, watch t.v., take walks, fold laundry, cook, do dishes, shred paper, paint rooms, change a tire, pack boxes...TOGETHER! Oh, it was so good to know. Finally, I can pinpoint how I want to be loved. Just one problem...

He doesn't know my love language. He's using HIS love language to express love to me. That doesn't speak my language. And, if I have to ask more than once to do something together it's no longer an expression of love from him. My tank is not being filled. So, how or why would I want to fill his tank if mine is empty. That's hard. But, needs to be done. Can you see my selfishness here? I'm working on it. At some point through these last few weeks he mentioned that he thought he should read the book. I wanted to go get a second copy that day (we actually got another one the next day). Phew, I was relieved. If he reads it then he'll have to learn my love language and we can start filling up each others love tanks. This will be great. In the mean time we were seriously "walking on egg shells" for several days.

Those shells finally cracked last Saturday. Here's the scenerio: we're moving soon and I needed to start packing. We didn't have a single box. I woke up feeling desperate and urgent and overwhelmed about packing. I needed boxes THAT day. I was ready to go dumpster diving behind stores to get boxes. He didn't want to do this. What?! Not only did he not fill my tank but he just kicked my bucket. Ouch! This did not go well. I had to let him know how this made me feel and what I was discovering my love language was. Guess what we did that day. We got boxes. No dumpster diving though. He really didn't want to do that. He DID take me to a place and TOGETHER we picked out boxes to bring home. Ahhhhh!!! Love tank was filling up. And then that night he asked to play a game with me. The game LIFE! Now, I know he was talking my language because I know he don't like that game. The Lord was good to us both. I got to play a board game and it went very fast (fastest LIFE game I've ever played). My man didn't have to suffer through the game too long. Thanks babe for playing with me.

Oh and by the way...I am really working on speaking his Love Language. I'll have to write more on that later, once he's finished the book! As for now... take a look at my list.

From November: It is my husband's birthday today. Lately we have been going through a lot in our marriage. Which, whatever it is, it is growth. But, it hurts. And, I'm realizing about myself that I have a lot of expectations for our marriage, how it should be, how it should look, how it should function. I'm learning though that that is a very arrogant way for me to live in my marriage. I've felt lonely at times and empty at times. I've even felt like the "best friend" label isn't there. Well, I have let it go away. I'm working on being vulnerable with my husband. I've been lacking gratitude for him though. This is hard to write, especially on his birthday ~ shouldn't I be honoring him. Well, yes. I've decided that I need to recall all of the things I can about him and why I love him, am attracted to him and desire to be with him. There are so many and yet if I don't keep them in the front of my mind and heart it is easy to get shadowed by the evil in my heart and not appreciate him. I only hope that this list is not short and that the unique and special things about him will flood my mind and heart. I need him in my life and DO NOT want to be without him.

Happy Birthday MY LOVE. Here is what I love about you (in no particular order)...
1. You drive me everywhere we go. I feel like a princess.
2. You make the bed for me when I don't get to it. I know you know I LOVE that.
3. You are a special ed teacher...not many can do what you do.
4. You are so patient, so patient, with me and our boys.
5. You LOVE, LOVE, LOVE our boys.
6. You play Nerf Gun Fight with the boys, and than attack me.
7. Now you are a professional trainer...you got a new job for us. :)
8. You want to coach the kids soccer teams.
9. You plan and teach our children the bible and biblical practicals.
10. Your love for the children's ministry has soared.
11. You make up nicknames for people in your life.
12. You make my girlfriends, your friends and treat them like sisters.
13. That you have a close relationship with my dad.
14. You play hide and seek with the boys.
15. You know so many kinds of music - lyrics, dates, bands...
16. You'll play games with me because you know I love them.
17. You are quite a story teller!
18. You are an amazing writer - that's why I have you write everything for me except this blog.
19. You can't smell most things.
20. Your sneezes are loud and strong - mine too! Match made in heaven.
21. You are a great public speaker.
22. People are drawn to you.
23. You are a leader.
24. You have a strong, confident, bold personality.
25. Even in silence we get along.
26. You LOVE God more than me!
27. You are adding color to your wardrobe! You look good in color.
28. You are so well groomed.
29. You work out and stay in shape and keep yourself healthy.
30. I love that you'll indulge in ice cream.
31. You go out of your way to encourage your friends.
32. You plan dates for us.
33. You bought me a, make that two, red dresses!!!
34. You're HOT looking!! Great eye candy!
35. When you enter a room you own it!
36. As the new guy at work you step right up to the plate and do your thing.
37. You engage our kids in the things they are interested in.
38. You love me unconditionally and speak my love language. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
39. You are my BEST FRIEND!

I remembered now that in November I wanted to write as many as you are old! But, I have so many more.

I love that...
40. You want to marry me all over again.
41. You'll dance with me.
42. You dance crazy for the boys in the kitchen.
43. You'll cook dinner.
44. And do the dishes!
45. You want to hold the boys as long as you can.
46. You care about our friends lives, marriages, and kids.
47. You wanted to get us a new house.
48. You have deep convictions.
49. You don't want to get reading glasses until AFTER you turn another year.
50. You want to change lives.
51. You are so willing to do whatever it takes to be above reproach.
52. You are willing to do whatever it takes to keep our marriage sacred - especially while traveling now.
53. You will lay down your life for your friends.

The longer I write, the more I can come up with. I love this. I love thinking about you and telling you what I love. I know I need to do this everyday. Tell you everyday that I love you and think you are amazing. I am so grateful to God for giving me you. I truly married up and got the better end of the deal. My pride to be your wife is overflowing. The only reason I am stopping is because of the time. I must read my bible and thank God for you tonight before I go to rest.

I am madly and deeply in love with my husband! I want the whole world to know.