I bake bread for my son. Not only is it enjoyable and therapeutic for me to bake but, it is truly symbolic. I bake bread to try and do anything and everything that I possibly can to give my child a boost physically to help him mentally and socially. Baking bread is a process of patience. You must separate the eggs slowly and gently with great ease so not to break the yokes. I wait for the egg white to gently slip through the utensil away from its mate the yoke. The yeast and warm water must be be stirred but then left alone to sit and foam on their own interaction with one another. I wait for the miniature pieces of yeast to dissolve away until unnoticed in the warm water creating a foam. Mixing the dry ingredients with the wet ingredients must be kindly attended to. I wait for the soft particles of flour to be absorbed into the dough. The dough, it rises. It rises with silence, as slowly as it can. I wait for it to reach the top of the pan and if I don't wait long enough I disturb its transformation. The baking. Ahhh, the sweet aroma that fills the house as the dough in the hot oven takes shape and forms into a loaf of bread. But, I wait as it takes its time to create something beautiful and sweet and delicious. I wait for it to be complete, it is not a fast process.
Symbolic you ask. Yes, symbolic to my child. He is beautiful and unique and God's special gift. He needs patience. He must be handled with great ease, gentleness and care just like the eggs whites and yokes. He must be given his time to formulate thoughts and ideas and put two things together just like the yeast and water. He must be talked to kindly with precise direction of how to go about his day just like the dough needs to be mixed kindly. He must be given time to work, grow, explore, think, see - become, just like the rising of the dough. And his transformation into an intelligent, kind, gentle, loving, giving, funny, joyful spirit is such a sweet aroma. He transforms. He is an amazing being and it is with such great joy that I get to watch him transform on a daily basis. And, he loves my "special" breads just for him.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Keeping up...
So, it's been two weeks now since my last entry. Originally, my goal was to blog at least once a week. Well, that went out the window and now it is once every two weeks. We'll see how this goes. Blogging to me is just fun and a therapeutic way for me to review / analyze my weeks and days and record some of the happenings. Thank God for technology right?! I'm so impressed, happy, aw-struck and delighted that even a few of my friends and family have even checked and read my blog. I even have my first follower. :) Thanks everyone. That encouraged me a lot.
What have I done with my time in the last few weeks. Hmmm...time to recap. Once again I am still learning about myself, my expectations, goals and desires for this time of my life. You really learn what is priority when the funds are not there to do everything.
One friend wanted me and my husband to go to a concert with her and her hubby. Absolutely I do. Totally one of my favorite artists as well. This friend however is not offering to pay for my tickets. So, let's weigh this amount of money coming out of my bank account. I could - wait we could buy two tickets and have 1 great night out of fun, laughter and excellent entertainment. Plus, of course I would want to buy a new outfit and so would my man, go out to dinner and pay for gas and parking. All of that would be fabulous - but for the same amount of money my two kids could be in both a season of swimming AND a season of soccer. What do I REALLY want to do? Concert. What is the RIGHT thing to do? Kids sports. The sting of pain on my heart when I had to let her know we just couldn't go. Hopefully, it will be like those Mastercard commercials: concert tickets $300, Dinner/Outfit $200, Kids delight: PRICELESS! I'm expecting it to go that way. I know that A will LOVE to splash some waves and D is waiting to kick that ball. And, that entertainer will be back someday.
Now that I have no real schedule I am having to learn to plan my time wisely. Sometimes you just have to leave somewhere or not even go at all in order to be somewhere or do something. It may not even be a huge deal but you just need to do it. I didn't have a playdate with my friend and her kids because I just felt the need that I had to be home and organize my life, I had to leave a friends house abruptly (after 3 hours of "hangin") because I just need to get back to my reality and be productive in some form. This seems so weird to me yet it has happened over and over again. My current solution to this: giving myself time frames to attend other things or be out an about. A play date doesn't need to be more than 2 hours if even that long.
Lastly, for the first time I got to be at A's school yesterday for a small daytime event. It was Western Day because they have been learning about Texas. It was just such a joy to me to be free to choose to go and be a part of his world for 1 hour. His little face was the highlight of my day when I walked in. He was so proud to have HIS mom there for help. I don't understand (yet) why every stay at home mom isn't at every school event. Maybe I will understand in time that you just can't or don't want to go to everything. But, coming from my always working and never "getting" to go world, I don't want to miss a thing. Plus, there are probably more working parents then I realize and I just assume that I was the only one in the world suffering as a working mom. Hmmm, who knows.
Have a happy day!
So, it's been two weeks now since my last entry. Originally, my goal was to blog at least once a week. Well, that went out the window and now it is once every two weeks. We'll see how this goes. Blogging to me is just fun and a therapeutic way for me to review / analyze my weeks and days and record some of the happenings. Thank God for technology right?! I'm so impressed, happy, aw-struck and delighted that even a few of my friends and family have even checked and read my blog. I even have my first follower. :) Thanks everyone. That encouraged me a lot.
What have I done with my time in the last few weeks. Hmmm...time to recap. Once again I am still learning about myself, my expectations, goals and desires for this time of my life. You really learn what is priority when the funds are not there to do everything.
One friend wanted me and my husband to go to a concert with her and her hubby. Absolutely I do. Totally one of my favorite artists as well. This friend however is not offering to pay for my tickets. So, let's weigh this amount of money coming out of my bank account. I could - wait we could buy two tickets and have 1 great night out of fun, laughter and excellent entertainment. Plus, of course I would want to buy a new outfit and so would my man, go out to dinner and pay for gas and parking. All of that would be fabulous - but for the same amount of money my two kids could be in both a season of swimming AND a season of soccer. What do I REALLY want to do? Concert. What is the RIGHT thing to do? Kids sports. The sting of pain on my heart when I had to let her know we just couldn't go. Hopefully, it will be like those Mastercard commercials: concert tickets $300, Dinner/Outfit $200, Kids delight: PRICELESS! I'm expecting it to go that way. I know that A will LOVE to splash some waves and D is waiting to kick that ball. And, that entertainer will be back someday.
Now that I have no real schedule I am having to learn to plan my time wisely. Sometimes you just have to leave somewhere or not even go at all in order to be somewhere or do something. It may not even be a huge deal but you just need to do it. I didn't have a playdate with my friend and her kids because I just felt the need that I had to be home and organize my life, I had to leave a friends house abruptly (after 3 hours of "hangin") because I just need to get back to my reality and be productive in some form. This seems so weird to me yet it has happened over and over again. My current solution to this: giving myself time frames to attend other things or be out an about. A play date doesn't need to be more than 2 hours if even that long.
Lastly, for the first time I got to be at A's school yesterday for a small daytime event. It was Western Day because they have been learning about Texas. It was just such a joy to me to be free to choose to go and be a part of his world for 1 hour. His little face was the highlight of my day when I walked in. He was so proud to have HIS mom there for help. I don't understand (yet) why every stay at home mom isn't at every school event. Maybe I will understand in time that you just can't or don't want to go to everything. But, coming from my always working and never "getting" to go world, I don't want to miss a thing. Plus, there are probably more working parents then I realize and I just assume that I was the only one in the world suffering as a working mom. Hmmm, who knows.
Have a happy day!
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